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Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan's Fantastic Adventure 10
The Story It's a beautiful day in Duke City. There's an obese African-American walking down the street. But enough about him! We find ourselves on the roof of the Duke Apartment Complex. The Duke & Hulk Gang are celebrating Soulja Boy's birthday! The music is blasting and Duke and Hulk are cooking up some of their Duke Burgers and Hulkster Burgers, respectively. Dukey is sitting next to the grill, hoping they'll drop a burger. Brook is being a DJ, and Luke, John and Upload are dancing to the music quite foolishly. Sci-Fi and McBaldy are in the corner, drinking soda and making small talk, and the birthday boy is relaxing in a beanbag chair. Indeed, it's a fun time for all. So, Soulja Boy stood up and said to his friends "Yo, do you niggaz have any plans after dis? I got a surprise for y'all for throwin' dis surpise party for me!" Hulk responded "Aww, Soulja Boy, you shouldn't have!" "Naw man, it's cool, I just wanna let you guys check out what ah bought dis mo'nin!" Meanwhile, Luke was dancing a little TOO foolishly, and began to fall off the side of the roof. But luckily, Upload was laying on the floor doing cock push ups with his erection because testosterone was in the air. Luke fell on top of Upload and then immediately got off him. "Sowwy, Upwoad!" said Luke as he walked away back to the dance floor to hang out with John. Upload looked severely depressed, so he pulled down his pants and chased after Luke into the dance floor. Meanwhile, Soulja Boy went over to the dessert table, and opened his cake up. "Yo, what da fuck is dis shit?!" said Soulja Boy. "T-that's your cake, Soulja Boy. What's wrong with it?" asked Duke. "I TOLD Y'ALL A MILLION TIMES!!! I HATE CAKE!!!!!!" screamed Soulja Boy. He threw the cake off the roof, and it landed on the Duke Mobile's windshield. Oops. Well, that shouldn't be too hard to clean up. So, after Soulja Boy's hissy fit, nobody was feeling particularly jovial anymore. "So, how about that surprise you mentioned, yo ho ho?" Brook asked. "Oh right, I want you guyz to see dat! It's at da Duke City Airport. Let's go!" So the gang went outside to the Duke Mobile, where Dukey licked up the cake off the windshield, and found a nude woman's carcass underneath the frosting. "Oh... whoops. I forgot we hired a porn star to pop out of your cake," said Duke. "S'cool, y'all. S'cool," said Soulja Boy. Brook noticed the tattered up body and somehow managed to find it attractive, as he is a carcass in his own way too. So after the gang got all the frosting off the windshield and dumped the body in a trashcan at a daycare's playground, they were off to the Duke City Airport! So, on the way there, Luke felt something squirming around in his backpack that he brought to the party for some reason. "Huuuh? What could dat be?" wondered Luke, even though it was kinda obvious what was in there. Luke's ferret, Lukey, popped out! "Ooh, Wookey, yew wanted to come to Soulja Boy's pawtee!" Lukey began to run around the interior of the Duke Mobile at breakneck speed. Then he slipped into McBaldy's pants for some reason. "AHHH!!! THERE'S A RAT IN MY PANTS!!!! GET IT OUT!!!!!" yelled McBaldy. John went over and punched McBaldy in the gut, because John has a tendency to punch people as you all know. Lukey flew out of McBaldy's pants and into Upload's. But Upload didn't mind one bit. Yeah so anyway, they finally arrived at Duke City Airport, and lo and behold, there was Soulja Boy's birthday present that he bought for himself... his own private jet! The gang was amazed at how amazing the jet looked, seeing as it had its own custom paint job with Soulja Boy's logo slapped onto it and shit. However, this wasn't just any ordinary jet plane! Inside was twelve custom Italian leather seats, flat screen television sets, four liquor bars, a special travertine tiled floor, a giant luxurious bathroom, and Brazilian hardwood cabinets!!! The gang couldn't believe their eyes. "Ta-da!!!" said Soulja Boy, standing in front of the plane with his arms wide open into the air. Then, John stupidly asked "But there are only 10 of us! What are the other two seats for?" and began to panic. Hulk admonished his nephew. "Calm down, John! It's okay if there are two extra seats! Say, Soulja Boy, do you have a pilot, or do you know how to fly this thing?" Soulja Boy said "Naw man. With mah successful rappin' career, when would I have time to get a pilot or pilot's license? But.... Duke, yo' dawg flies da Duke Mobile 'round and shit. Think he could fly a jet?" Duke went over to Dukey. "Dukey, do you think you'd be up for such a task?" he asked. Dukey barked and wagged his tail, which meant yes. So the gang all boarded the jet, and Dukey ran into the cockpit. Haha, cockpit... Anyway, Lukey also ran into the cockpit, assuming the role of co-pilot. The gang entrusted their lives into the paws of two household pets. "So, where to, y'all?" asked Soulja Boy. The gang started singing "Around the World" by Daft Punk in unison. "Bark!" said Dukey. So, Soulja Boy's jet was starting to accelerate on the runway. As it started to lift itself off the ground, there was George! He was flying towards the plane in a parachute. "Hey, guys! Don't forget me!!" yelled George. However, Dukey nor Lukey didn't see George as the jet flew right past him. George was screaming for help, but he got sucked into the left wing's propeller and met his demise. "Hm? Did you guys hear something?" asked Hulk. Duke looked out the window and saw a parachute falling towards the ground behind the plane and said "Look! I can see whoever's parachute that was! They're okay, I guess!" So, Soulja Boy then excused himself. "Okay y'all, if you don't mind, Soulja Boy is gonna take a birthday shit." "Since when did you start talking in third person?" asked Sci-Fi. "Look, I made swag, I invented juice, and I conceived talkin' in third-person. Now, I gotta shit," said Soulja Boy, going into the giant luxurious bathroom and locking it so it said "Occupied" on the outside. So yeah, he'd been holding it in for quite a while, and had trouble pushing that turd out. "HNNNNNNNGHGHGHGH!!" he went, which made John think that his long lost black brother was in the bathroom with Soulja Boy. But anyway, Soulja Boy finally pushed that turd out. But the minute it hit the water, a siren started going off in the plane. "Oh shit, what's happening?!" asked Duke. The gang, sans Soulja Boy, who was wiping his bunghole, ran into the cockpit to see what was going on. The jet then started going out of control. It was flipping, turning and spinning in the air! It was quite dangerous. John was having a seizure on the floor from doing the "HGHGHNGNGNNGHGNGHGHNGHHGHGHN" thing too hard. When the gang reached the cockpit, Dukey and Lukey looked so confused. "Where's Soulja Boy?!" yelled Hulk, as he ran to the bathroom to see if Soulja Boy knew what was going on and if he had any solutions. "YO! SOULJA BOY! WHAT'S GOING O--" He was stopped mid-sentence. "CAN'T A NIGGA JACK OFF IN PEACE? LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON BUT IT ADDS A LOTTA SWAG TO MY FAPPIN'!!" yelled Soulja Boy from behind the door. "Oh... sorry. I understand," said Hulk. He then ran back up to the cockpit, panicking. "SOULJA BOY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON EITHER!!!" yelled Hulk once he reached the cockpit. Then, Soulja Boy ejaculated, and this made matters on the plane even worse. The plane began to shake even more violently! It looked as if this was the end for our heroes. And in fact, it is! THE END. ........Just kidding. Anyway, Soulja Boy emerged from the bathroom, and realized the severity of the situation. "AHHH HELL NAWWW!" he yelled. Then, just when it seemed things couldn't get any worse, the sky darkened and wavy purple lines were flying past the jet, almost as if it were entering another dimension or something! "UNCLE DUUUUKE!!! I'M SCA-OHD!!!" yelled Luke, tears running down his face. Duke pulled his nephew in for a hug. "It'll be alright, Luke. Just hold onto me." The jet started to pick up an insane amount of speed, everyone felt it. Hulk put his arms out and used his trademark Hulk Hogan voice to get everyone's attention. "LISTEN, EVERYONE!!! GRAB ONTO SOMETHING AND DON'T LET GO!!!" The gang knew they would have to follow Hulk's directions if they wanted any chance of surviving. They all held onto a combination of objects and each other in a desperate attempt to stay alive. And then there was an intense bright light, and everyone fell unconscious... But yeah a few hours later, they came to. "me not like that" said Upload. "Is... is this Heaven?" asked Sci-Fi. The gang all looked out the window, and... it looked like Duke City, except not as Duke-esque. "Yeah, this isn't heaven. I died before, remember?" said Sci-Fi. "Then what IS heaven like?" asked Hulk. "Hmmm... Lots of busty women and beds," said Sci-Fi. "Dis place sure looks weird, yo," said Soulja Boy. They walked past some windows and saw Sega and Nintendo advertisements! "Yo ho ho... Strange... Are the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 out of style or something?" asked Brook. They walked into a gas station to get something to drink. Duke noticed the logo on his favorite beer was different. "Odd..." he said to himself. Anyway, everyone grabbed something to drink. Soulja Boy grabbed like ten cases of beer since it's his 21st birthday and he REALLY wanted to get fucked up. So when they rang up at the cash register and got their receipt... they noticed the date! It was July 28, 1991! Then, a black bitch walked into the gas station, pushing a little black baby in a carriage. But this wasn't any ordinary black bitch. Soulja Boy turned around, gasped, and then turned back to the gang. "D...d....dat's mah moms!" he said under his breath. How awkward... Anyway, the gang slipped out of the gas station, and made their way back to the jet. "That was a close call, guys. Luckily, Young Soulja Boy was only a baby, so no harm was done there. But if we're seen by any of our other past selves, it could spell disaster for us," said Duke. "Yo ho ho... so what should we do?" asked Brook. "Why don't we all read my book, Bad People Liberation?" suggested John. The gang ignored him and continued to think. "Maybe we can find a costume store and go around Young Duke City in costumes!" suggested Hulk. The gang all thought that was a great idea. But who would retrieve the costumes? The gang sent Luke, McBaldy and Upload because they weren't born yet. When they came back, they came back with woodland creature costumes. "Guys... is this a joke?" asked Hulk. "Nope," said McBaldy. So the necessary members of the gang put on the costumes but they all felt pretty damn stupid. Then, they all pondered what to do next. "We could go visit my dead father!" John suggested. Hulk facepalmed. "John! I want to see my brother again, too, but we can't be seen by anyone who knows us! It would be... weird!" So the gang found a nice hotel to reside in for the time being. Also, since McBaldy didn't need to worry about being seen by anybody, he wandered around town. The sun started to set and the gang started to get worried, but they were exhausted so they all fell asleep. The morning sun of July 29, 1991 had started to rise. McBaldy returned, and the gang were so relieved to see him safe and sound. "McBaldy!! What happened?! Where were you?!" yelled Hulk. "I was wandering around at night and I got lost. Then this woman found me and took care of me... also, I think you may be proud of what I'm about to tell you!" said McBaldy. The gang watched in silence... McBaldy opened his mouth and said "I am no longer a virgin!!" The gang roared with applause. "Good for you, McBaldy!!" said Duke, and he lightly punched his shoulder. "Who's da lucky bitch, yo?" asked Soulja Boy. "Oh, it's my mom. I managed to get her pregnant, too," said McBaldy. The gang all looked at Upload. "So that explains it..." said Hulk. So, Luke started to worry. "Guys... how ow we gonna get back to da pwesent time?" Wow, Luke was the one to worry about that? Weird. Anyway, yeah, he had a good point. They couldn't stick around in the past forever. It'd be dangerous. So the necessary gang members put on their woodland creature costumes and left the hotel room to see what they could find out. While walking around, Soulja Boy accidentally stepped on Hulk's toe, which made Hulk quite mad. I mean, Hulk's strong and all, but even he doesn't like getting his toe stepped on. Hulk was wearing a beaver costume, so Soulja Boy said "Look y'all, it's an angry beaver!" and the gang laughed, even Hulk. So, eventually, they came across the local playground! They saw young Duke, Puke and Hulk all playing together. "Good times, brother..." said Hulk, as he wiped away a beaver tear. Upload saw them playing with a little toy cannon, and he got excited so he ran up to them. "NOOO!!! UPLOOOOOAAAAAAD!!! DON'T!!!!" yelled Duke at the top of his lungs. It was too late. Upload had stolen the cannon from Young Duke and shoved it far up his ass. Young Duke began to cry, and this angered Young Hulk who began to beat up Upload. The gang watched and laughed at Upload's misfortunes. Then, Young Puke pointed at the rest of the gang. "He's with them! Get them, and remove their silly costumes!!" Young Duke and Young Hulk then started chasing after our heroes. "RUUUUN!!!!" commanded Duke. The gang started hauling ass. "WHATEVER HAPPENS, DON'T LET THEM SEE UNDER OUR COSTUMES!!!!" said Hulk. Upload managed to get away from Puke, who didn't put up much of a fight, and Upload also followed the pursuit. So then, Young Duke leapt and latched onto Hulk's beaver back. "BROTHER BEAR, HELP!" he yelled. Duke, being in his bear costume and all, then stopped to remove his younger self from his best friend. "LET GO OF HIM!!!" said Duke, who picked Young Duke up and set him back down on the ground. "YOU KIDS GO PLAY NICE ELSEWHERE!!" yelled Duke. "Oh, okay. Sorry. One more thing. Hey, Mr. Beaver?" said Young Duke. "Yeah, brother?" said Hulk. "You've got something on your mask," said Young Duke, and it was true! There was bird shit on the mask! "AAGH!!" said Hulk, as he freaked out and took his mask off to clean it. Young Duke and Young Hulk stared in awe... then, Hulk did some quick thinking. "No no, it's not what it looks like. I'm your long lost uncle, Terry Gene Hogan!" said Hulk. His fib fooled the gullible Young Duke and Young Hulk. "Ohh, I was about to say, you look just like me! But hey, how did you know about the catchphrase I was planning to use, 'brother?'" asked Young Hulk. "Well, you see, brother, you actually picked it up from me! It was probably when I was visiting your family all those years ago, and it was deep in your subconscious and you just didn't know it!" said Hulk. They bought this lie too. "Cool. Well, hey, you guys look pretty strong, would you mind helping us out with something?" asked Young Duke, who was not nearly as buff as Present Duke. "Sure, what is it?" replied Duke. Young Duke made a "follow me" motion with his finger and the gang followed them. Eventually, they made it to a carnival. "Look, there's a ride we want to ride but we can't because we're not tall enough," said Young Duke. "Would you mind letting us sneak into your costumes so we can get past the ticket guy?" asked Young Duke. Duke and the gang started to panic. "Uh... um... well... uh..." said Hulk, as he was tripping all over himself. "Sure!" said Sci-Fi. "Come into my costume. There's enough room," he said. So the Young Duke & Hulk Gang stuffed themselves into Sci-Fi's costume, and now he looked like a pregnant squirrel. They made their way into the carnival's entrance. Unfortunately for Sci-Fi, someone at the carnival was into pregnant squirrels. He ran up to Sci-Fi, pinned him down and was about to rape him! So then, McBaldy and Upload, not wanting to see anything bad happen to their brother, ran up to the carnival employee and beat the living shit out of him. Well, only McBaldy threw punches, Upload just slapped at him. But the punches and slaps sufficed, as the carnival employee was knocked out. A nearby crowd clapped at this heroic effort. So the gang helped Sci-Fi up, and he and Young Duke and Hulk went to ride the ride. While waiting, Brook noticed a strange plaque next to the ride. "Yo ho ho! Hey guys, look at this!" said Brook. They all came closer and Duke read it aloud: "If ye shall find yeself in ye past at any ye point, ride this ye ride at 10:05 PM at night." The gang looked puzzled. "What da fuck? Dat's what we have to do to get back the present? But that'd mean leavin' behind mah bitchin' jet!" said Soulja Boy. What a predicament this was. So then, Soulja Boy looked at his cell phone to find out the time. Cell phones didn't exist back then so he had no service and he couldn't see the time. Seeing as there was no time to waste, he powered up to Kaio-ken x 2 and flew all the way back to get his plane. He brought it back about 20 minutes later. He had the plane in the line with him. So, people started to get out of the line, indimidated by Soulja Boy's jet. Another carnival employee saw this and was angered that he was driving away customers! He got out a megaphone and said to the gang "Planes aren't allowed in the carnival! I'm going to have to ask you guys to leave!" Duke scratched his chin. "Before we do that, can you tell us what time it is?" The employee looked at his watch "Oh, it's 9:50 PM. Why?" asked the carnival employee. "Oh, no reasonHIYAH!!" said Duke, punching the carnival employee in the gut, and knocking him unconscious. "Brother, do you think we'll be able to fight off all of these carnival employees before 10:05 PM?" asked Hulk. "Of course, buddy. We're stronger than anyone at this carnival!" said Duke. And then, about 10 more employees came in. But they were dressed up as ninjas, armed with deadly plastic swords. The leader stepped up and yelled to the group "No planes allowed, eh! My kat-tan-a will slice you to bits! AURGUGURGUAGPRAGUAGO" he yelled as he charged straight into Duke. Duke knocked him out with his bear hand to the face. Hey, get it, bear hand? Anyway, Hulk then asked Duke "What was that guy? Autistic?" Duke replied "Nah, he said eh, so he was Canadian, but close enough anyway." And then, the ultimate person-driver-outer... thing, whatever, was summoned! It was a giant dragon! Actually, it was just an inflatable dragon, but still, it looked incredibly realistic! Duke and Hulk were almost intimidated! But Brook then took out his sword. "Yo ho ho! Can't you guys tell this is a fake? Watch this!" said Brook, as he stabbed the inflatable dragon. But his sword got stuck inside! And then Brook's hand got stuck to his sword because there was maple syrup on it! Why was there maple syrup on it? I dunno, maybe the gang ate pancakes before they left the hotel earlier. But anyway, the inflatable dragon was losing air and flying all over the place, with Brook attached to it! "Oh no! What time is it now?!" asked Hulk. Duke checked that knocked-out employee with the megaphone's watch. "GASP! It's 9:52 PM! We're running out of time! Hulk, try and catch Brook, and we'll keep fighting off carnival employees, that is, if there are anymore!" said Duke. Hulk nodded, and went after Brook. He jumped from ride to ride, trying to catch his bony friend. So then, Hulk was able to grab onto Brook's legs, and tried to pull him down, but his arm popped off. Why didn't his leg pop off instead? Who knows, but this is the adventure of Duke and Hulk Adventure. Brook watched and waited for the stupid dragon to land so he could retrieve his hand, for his hand was a special hand: it was his masturbation hand, for his boner. Skull joke! Anyway, a fellow carnival goer saw Brook and instantly got a boner. He was from Texas, and he was walking around with his strapon. "You look like a true Conversative and a Capitalist. Say, you give me a great idea... Once my hero Al Gore invents the interwebs, I'm going to make a radio show on it! And I'll make my picture look like you! Say, you look dead. You must be a ghost! Hey! That rhymes with host. Hmmm..." Hulk punched him in the face and knocked him out for being stupid, because Spongebob Teached us that Texas is dumb. So they then went up with the rest of the gang, and there was just one carnival employee left. But this wasn't just any carnival employee. This was a BLACK carnival employee! His skin blended into the night, much like Soulja Boy's. Watching the two niggas battle was like watching... well, nothing, they were practically invisible. John, not being able to see the carnival employee, found himself right in the middle of the crossfire, and he ended up getting shot in the arm. He fell to the ground. "JOOOOOOOHN!!!" yelled Hulk, running over to assist his nephew. "U-Uncle Hulk..." said John, weakly. "WE HAVE TO GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL, RIGHT AWAY," said Hulk, "GETTING BACK TO THE PRESENT TIME WILL HAVE TO WAIT!!" So the gang all piled into the jet as Soulja Boy delivered the finishing blow on the nigger carnival employee. Then Soulja Boy got on board. Young Duke and Young Hulk were upset by all this commotion, so they left the carnival. Which is a good thing, because as the jet took off, the carnival and the nigger carnival employee were also sucked into the propeller. On the way to the hospital, Luke tried to keep John's spirits up. "Johnny boy... don't yew die awn me... weemembo ow bizaw advenchuh too-gedduh?" asked Luke. "Y-y-yeah... " said John. Duke was curious. "What bizarre adventure?" "Oh, I'll tell yew lay-doh, Uncwle Duke." In the cockpit, Lukey spotted a hospital. Luckily, there was a runway for jets right next to the hospital, so Dukey landed it right there, as the gang rushed John inside. So then, Hulk told the receptionist "MY NEPHEW JUST GOT SHOT IN THE ARM, HE NEEDS TREATMENT NOW." She was a little confused as to why Hulk was wearing a beaver costume, but she took the gang to a room right away. A minute later, in walked Dr. Mario. "Hello-a! What seems-a to be the problem tonight-a?" Hulk told him "MY NEPHEW JUST GOT SHOT IN THE ARM, HE NEEDS TREATMENT NOW," so Dr. Mario put on some latex gloves. "I-a see-a," he said, pulling down John's pants, and then grabbing his balls. "Cough-a please-a." John complied. "Again." John complied again. "...One-a more time-a." John complied yet again. "Okay-a, just-a cough-a one-a more-a--" "TREAT HIM RIGHT NOW OR I'LL STICK MY FIST UP YOUR ASS!" interrupted Hulk. "Very-a well-a." So Dr. Mario took John into another room. The gang waited for like, a few minutes. Then Dr. Mario came back. "He-a will be-a fine-a," he said. Everyone was relieved. "But-a he will-a have to stay-a overnight-a," explained Dr. Mario. The gang understood, and decided to stay there too. Soulja Boy looked at the clock. "Aw sheet. It's 10:06 PM," he said. "Don't worry, Soulja Boy. We'll just go back to the carnival tomorrow night, or maybe find another way back," said Duke. So the gang all went to John's room, and walked in on him masturbating. Everyone's eyes and mouths were agape. John noticed, and made a startled "HNNNNGHGHHGHG!" but then a more relaxed "hnnnghghhgh....." as he ejaculated. Man, there sure is a lot of fapping in this installment. Anyway, John was clearly doing better, since his arm had regaining fapping ability. So the gang all gathered around and gave John a hug for some reason. "Johnny boy, I'm glad yo' alwite!" said Luke. "Thanks, buddy!" said John. "Whew, I dunno about you guys, but I'm beat. I wish we could just return to the present time right now..." said Duke. And then, some familiar faces appeared in the room... it was Dot and Lord Stell! "DOT!!! STELL!!!" said the gang in unison. They all ran over and gave them a hug. Except John, since he was bedridden at the moment. "where you go" asked Upload. "Zehaha, we have been in Mexico. It's quite nice there. I'm Teaching beaners there how to speak English," said Dot. "Yes, and I've been running a taco/burrito/fajita/enchilada stand!" said Stell. "How's that going?" asked Sci-Fi. "Very good, thanks," said Stell. "So guys, what brings you to 1991?" asked Duke. "Well, we heard about your predicament, and we have coated Soulja Boy's jet to be able to travel back to the present time. Now if you'll excuse us, we must be going back to Mexico," said Dot, and the two vanished. So then, the gang left the hospital, and entered the jet. "Awright 1991, it's been fun, but we gotta- wait yo, why da hell is dat bitch chasing us?" They looked out the window, and saw the receptionist running towards the jet. "Oh shit!" exclaimed Hulk. "We didn't pay for John's stay!" The crazy bitch jumped onto the plane, and kept swatting the window. "Duke, brother, what do you say we take care of this bitch?" Hulk asked. But Duke was busy staring up her skirt. "BROTHER!" Hulk yelled, snapping Duke out of it. "Oh right, sorry." So Duke clenched his fists together, and gathered up all his energy. He put his hands into a Kamehameha-like position. "Bitch you look like Goku," said Soulja Boy. "DUUUUUUUUUUU....KAAAAAAAAAAA...." and then Hulk shouted "WAAAAAAAIT!!" and Duke stopped his attack. "Brother... if you kill this receptionist, it could fuck up the future! Just knock her out!" Hulk reminded his friend. "Damn being in the past!" said Duke, disappointed. So Duke climbed up and punched her unconscious. Duke brought her down and put her in a sleeping bag on the ground. "There. The bitch will be nice and comfy when she comes to," said Duke. Then the two boarded the plane. Dukey barked and started the takeoff. After that, the plane took off. So then, the gang sat back on the Italian leather seats and relaxed... that is, until someone farted. "Eee-yew... it smells like somebawdy just fawted!" Luke complained. Duke laughed and told his nephew "He who smelt it, dealt it!" "But Uncwle Duke! I didn't fawt!" Luke cried. "But he who denies it, supplied it!" Everyone had a good laugh at Luke, who just muttered something under his breath. Who actually farted? Who knows. There's a more pressing issue at hand! And McBaldy, who hasn't really said much since becoming his own brother's father, noticed it. "Hey guys... what do we have do to return to the present?" Everyone paused for a moment, and then a piece of paper fell from seemingly nowhere. The gang all exchanged glances. Hulk opened it up. It was written in blue crayon. He read aloud: "All you have to do is exceed 50,000 miles per hour. Then you will arrive back in the present time. Love, Dot." After reading it, the piece of paper exploded. Dukey heard, and kicked up the speed. The purple wavy lines appeared once again, and the gang all braced themselves. They saw the white flash again, and passed out, again. A few hours later, they came to. "Are... are we back?" asked Brook. The gang all looked out the window. The jet landed right on top of the Duke Apartment Complex! How convenient! So the gang all decided to go inside to Duke's apartment and have a continuation of Soulja Boy's party. After all, the tense feelings from the cake fiasco were long behind them, and everyone just felt really good in general to be back in the present. "Hey, Uncwle Duke, werwen't you gwilling some of youw Duke Bawgaws?" asked Luke. "Hey, yeah, you're right! Shit, they've been sitting out all this time! Hey Hulk, let's check on the burgers!" So Duke opened the grill and they were all burned to a crisp. Man, they're lucky the Duke Apartment Complex didn't catch on fire! Back in Duke & Hulk 7, Duke tried to hide it when a similar thing happened. But he's changed since then. He can own up to his mistakes now. "Sorry guys, the burgers are ruined..." said Duke. Soulja Boy said "Aww, das awright, mang. Why don't wey'all just go to Burger King?" And the gang rejoiced at this suggestion. Because hey, who doesn't love Burger King? That's right, no one. So our heroes went to Burger King and ate a ton of Whoppers. After this, they climbed up to the roof. They were going to watch the stars and fall asleep up there. A little while later, the gang heard a noise that sounded like a rabid animal being killed. But it turned out to just be Luke yawning. So they figured now was as good a time as any to get some shut-eye. They all fell asleep... except for Soulja Boy, who smiled, looked at his friends, and said "This was the best birthday ever. Thanks y'all," and then went to sleep. THE END. Triva - This is the first title in the Duke & Hulk series to have a sub title. - Despite being released in honor of the first novel's one year anniversary, the release date was August 18, 2011, rather than August 21, only falling three days short of the original's release date.